Just grow

It's 2am and my mind refuses to shut down. I'm pondering over the events that I recently lived through and the people I've lived them with. There's a discontent in me. I have 30 things to do. I'm sick and I need rest but this stubborn mind of mine is making me it's prisoner by making me think and analyze each and everything I don't want to. The main reason for my discontent are as always my expectations. I have certain morals, ethics and discipline in me which I believe should be a must. The people around me lack that. I cannot work or be around such people. Being a key witness to their useless banter, nonsense logics and brainless actions make me question my own self. It is believed that you are the sum of the five people you spend most of your time with and that is troubling me. I want to grow, I want to learn, I want to be infinite in a lot of ways. How do I do it if I spend my day worrying about others and the impact they have on me. Solitude is a concept that has fascinated me and I love solitude. Since sometime, I've been trying to give it up and blend in with people but at the end of the day, it drains me. I prefer calling myself a loner than an introvert. Being a loner is a boon on most days. I've grown, learnt things, acquired knowledge and achieved a lot because of my ability to stay away from people and mind my own business. I've trying to make sure that the people around have some discipline in them and certain morals. I feel uplifted when I'm around such people. I haven't been able to imbibe the same in the ones I want to and I think it's my fault because everyone is different and they do have a different mindset as well. Maybe they would want to make me a little less stubborn, bossy and rude. But I can't, just like the way they can't. I am the way I am because of certain reasons and same goes to them. So, I'll just retract back to my shell of solitude, put those people and their thoughts out of my mind and continue living and growing the way I've have. Trust me, it takes so much of effort and courage to do so; hence I'll say that I'm hella proud of those who dare to believe in themselves and are making it on their own in this world. Keep going.