Happiness

Happiness 

I rested my head against the governor of my vehicle. The headache was making its mark while I was waiting for mom to finish her shopping. I had kept my vehicle on the side of the main road like an irresponsible citizen that I was and next to me, I saw a vegetable vendor packing up since it was 9pm. I turned my head towards him and started observing how he was winding up for the day. Since it was monsoon, he was covering the vegetables with a transparent plastic sheet. After that he proceeded to cover it with a blue plastic which was the same as the one the person living opposite to me used to cover the front of his house in the monsoon. Having the distractive mind that I do, I began thinking about same things that I had been since the morning. A few things in the past days had hurt me to an extent that thinking about them was going to lead to a mini breakdown in that very moment. I felt my eyes tearing up and I found it difficult to breathe. Extending my neck, I took in fresh air and opened my eyes. I wiped my eyes and saw mom a hundred metres away bargaining for cargo pants which she has been wanting for a really long time. Inspite of the headache, I immediately smiled and shook my head. I wanted this write up to go in a different direction but as I type this I am again coming to this realisation that I did have a lot of things that a lot of people wished for. Why was I not happy then? I don't have an answer as of now but I'm willing to work on it. I'm willing to find ways to be happy because my journey with happiness has been and is like hide and seek (the game, not the biscuits,  you goof! ) I'm home more often these days and I've started finding more and more ways to work on my happiness. I've started by working on the things I used to take for granted and being grateful for them. Mom is one of them. Despite of getting on each others nerves, I've started spending more time with her than with the people I'm connected to via the internet and the internet itself. We have very less in common except for our humour but we have always gotten along like the right and the left hand of a person. Why shall I look for love from/in someone else when I already have it? She is the life of my life and we do have our major ups and downs but both us tend to forgive easily so it all works out in the end. The last sentence precisely points out what my problem is. The problem is I/you tend to accept what you think you're getting because you're scared you'll not get it again. Anything guided by fear ends badly. You and I should both know what we deserve and refuse to accept anything less than that. It's very important we you do that because if you don't, you'll always end up settling for something and that will ultimately lead you to unhappiness. I remember reading this quote about a woman being unstoppable once she knows exactly what she deserves. I believe in replacing the word woman with the word person. Most of the things that have led me to be unhappy have been the ones where I have settled for something and I'm no longer doing that. Why put your own worth down? You have the entire world to do that to you. So, maybe it will still take me more incidents to learn and master the skill of not settling for less but I'm willing to find other ways to be happy and one of them is this; this write up that you're reading.