Dhwani's Story

I live because I know how it feels to not live I love because I know how it feels to not be loved I make you laugh because I know what it's like to have no one to make you laugh I help because I know what it's like to not be helped I hope because I know how it feels to be hopeless I celebrate every little thing because I know what it's like to not have them I don't lie because I know what its like to be lied to I don't open up because I know how it feels to do so to the wrong person I appreciate because I know what it feels to not be appreciated I value you because I know what it's like to not be valued I try to be kind because I know what it's like to face unkindliness I stay because I know how it feels when no one stays I don't judge because I know what it feels to be judged I am what I am today because of what I got and what I didn't.

Again, I was in my favourite place, the window seat. I was travelling to a place that required a 9 hour train journey. Here I was, in this oven. It was 1:30 pm. I faced the heat for 3-4 hours and then the temperature dropped. I opened the glass window that I had closed earlier. I look out of the window and make a mental note to watch the sunset. I lean on the window pane, dig up my earphones from my backpack to watch The Big Bang Theory. After watching 11 videos back to back, I fell asleep. Ended up waking when the people around me started to make noise aka talk. Turns out, I woke up exactly in time to catch the sun setting. It was already 6 hours in my journey.I was miles away and the landscapes were getting better mile by mile. I ended up clicking a lot of pictures. Then came the best time, the sunset which made me miss the living hell out you. I wish we'll be able to witness one such sunset one day. Just one. I want so much more than one sunset but I'm willing to settle for ...

We hold on for too long, Then ponder what went wrong. Sometimes its okay to let them fight, Rather than keeping those strings too tight.

The blues you gifted me, Possess the audacity to kill me; And on some days, I let them.

Window seats have always been my favourite which exactly explains why I was sitting there today. My colleagues and juniors are singing their asses off and the 'NOISE' they are making, makes me laugh and reminds me of the day you sang Hoshwalon by Jagjit Singh over the phone just because I asked you to. I chuckle to myself and smile. My cheeks pain and I realise I've been smiling for a little too long. I slide the window glass to the back since the girl behind me is busy 'creating noise' and I hope she won't notice. I welcome the wind with open arms. Holy shit! I didn't realise how much I missed this until now. I missed this feel of wind against my face. The wind, making my eyes squint. This wind is freedom. Metaphorically, of course. My halo is broken as the person occupying the seat next to me comes to take the seat right next to me. This movement precipitated yet another flashback. I remember those pictures that a colleague of mine sneakily took while me a...

I came home today and made plans for the rest of the day. I switched on my laptop to transfer the last two seasons of Suits from the pendrive that my senior had given me. I entered the password and was greeted by the wallpaper that had a quote which possessed the audacity to mock me for all that I hadn't done till now. Now, instead of opening My Computer, I ended up opening the one folder that I wasn't supposed to. This one folder could destroy all the I had managed to build within me since last June. The part of my life away that I had archived was right in front of me. You know, a friend of mine told me once that we humans, destroy the most beautiful things and that's what I was on the verge of doing. I opened that folder and I saw the pictures that weren't going to let me sleep tonight. This evening, I was voluntarily going down the memory lane. The pictures I saw almost made me press Alt+F4 but I continued. It's surprising how much everything changes in a year. ...

Six days of me failing at writing something, lack of sleep, a throbbing headache and lots of unanswered questions are finally making me write the crap below. Today, I did something which was very important, I faced my fear. A fear that developed recently. I went to the place where it developed and tried putting it to rest once and for all. And, I did succeed but a part of it is still gnawing me. I think I’ll let time do the rest. It’s funny I said that. Let time do the rest. I don’t know about time anymore. I don’t know what, when and how will it heal everything. You see, it’s not that I doubt it’s power entirely but how can it heal something that’s broken beyond the limits. Which piece would it heal if there are twelve of them? The question I should be asking is not which one would it heal but will it ever? What if it doesn’t? Have you ever gone cold turkey on something? I sure did. I went cold turkey on a few of the most important parts of me and I faced the withdrawals. They crushed...

‌It was 5:00 pm and Friday. College just got over and finally the weekend was here, my beloved weekend. I was excited today; not because of the weekend but the fact that I was going to surprise you by coming to your place. Your place, the one that was on my way home. Your place, the house with a beautiful garden. Your place, the one where we met quite a few times in the past. Now that I thought about it, I got nervous. I bid my watchmam, an old man who never let us use the lift, goodbye as I started the vehicle and left the college. I was nervous about this step. Heck, it could go completely right or totally haywire. And based on my previous experiences with you, I was rooting for the haywire. For a moment, I almost cancelled because of my jitters but I had to take a chance to mend things that were horribly wrong. I had to give it a try. Heck, not had to, I needed to. I needed to sort things out before I totally lost you. I was going at 60km/hr since Dumas road was a little empty unlik...

I stand on my barren shore longing for rain. Just a few drops would work. Hell, even one would work. A single drop can fuel me to live for a few more days. I almost forgot to mention that the sea is only a few meters away from me and my barren land. On most days, I don’t let the waves touch me. The high tides scare me. They engulf me. The water rises above my head and I can’t breathe. I can’t move for I’m stuck. Very soon, all I can see and feel is blue. Previously, I used to fight the waves by moving my arms in three hundred directions only to realise that I know not how to swim. Now, I don’t even try to swim. I just give in. But, these wretched waves, they don’t take me with them. Minutes after I give up, they decrease in their intensity and go back into the sea only to leave me breathless and half dead. This is why I try not to go near the sea but on a few days, the sea comes to me and drowns me. And on a few days, it’s just me waiting for the rain. I used to think that me and my ba...

It's 2am and my mind refuses to shut down. I'm pondering over the events that I recently lived through and the people I've lived them with. There's a discontent in me. I have 30 things to do. I'm sick and I need rest but this stubborn mind of mine is making me it's prisoner by making me think and analyze each and everything I don't want to. The main reason for my discontent are as always my expectations. I have certain morals, ethics and discipline in me which I believe should be a must. The people around me lack that. I cannot work or be around such people. Being a key witness to their useless banter, nonsense logics and brainless actions make me question my own self. It is believed that you are the sum of the five people you spend most of your time with and that is troubling me. I want to grow, I want to learn, I want to be infinite in a lot of ways. How do I do it if I spend my day worrying about others and the impact they have on me. Solitude...

I started reading when I was 10. Back in the days, I used to finish two books by Enid Blyton in a day. I used to read in the rickshaw while going home from school, at home (Lots of free time since I didn't go to tuitions!!), in school during recess and at a lot of questionable places. Our school had two seperate buildings; one for the primary section and the other for the secondary and higher secondary. The library was located in the secondary section. Also, we were allowed to issue or return our books only during our recess time which was only of 20 mins. So, I used to finish my snacks and run to the secondary section to return the books. Our librarian was lean, tall and shared a common name with our principal. Everybody had the same recess time so whenever I went to the library, I found him having his lunch or snacks. Initially, he issued the books very gladly but then his attitude changed. He questioned my reading speed. He claimed that no 10 year old kid could finish two boo...

Window seats have always been my favourite which exactly explains why I was sitting there today. My colleagues and juniors are singing their asses off and the 'NOISE' they are making, makes me laugh and reminds me of the day you sang Hoshwalon by Jagjit Singh over the phone just because I asked you to. I chuckle to myself and smile. My cheeks pain and I realise I've been smiling for a little too long. I slide the window glass to the back since the girl behind me is busy 'creating noise' and I hope she won't notice. I welcome the wind with open arms. Holy shit! I didn't realise how much I missed this until now. I missed this feel of wind against my face. The wind, making my eyes squint. This wind is freedom. Metaphorically, of course. My halo is broken as the person occupying the seat next to me comes to take the seat right next to me. This movement precipitated yet another flashback. I remember those pictures that a colleague of mine sneakily too...