Knife

Six days of me failing at writing something, lack of sleep, a throbbing headache and lots of unanswered questions are finally making me write the crap below.
Today, I did something which was very important, I faced my fear. A fear that developed recently. I went to the place where it developed and tried putting it to rest once and for all. And, I did succeed but a part of it is still gnawing me. I think I’ll let time do the rest.
It’s funny I said that. Let time do the rest. I don’t know about time anymore. I don’t know what, when and how will it heal everything. You see, it’s not that I doubt it’s power entirely but how can it heal something that’s broken beyond the limits. Which piece would it heal if there are twelve of them? The question I should be asking is not which one would it heal but will it ever? What if it doesn’t?
Have you ever gone cold turkey on something? I sure did. I went cold turkey on a few of the most important parts of me and I faced the withdrawals. They crushed me but I did fight back. Despite of the fact that I won, I was severely injured. And here again comes time which would heal me. Would it?
That’s the thing about unanswered questions, neither do they let you stay nor do they let you leave. Now imagine staying in such a place for a long long time. Let me explain what does it exactly feel like. Imagine those questions as a knife and the person/part/thing you’ve gone cold turkey on, stab you with that knife. Now instead of pulling the knife back out, imagine it being twisted. It’s as if they’re scraping out all the things that are left within you. Imagine going through this daily. The pain is agonising. It surely does let you live but only so that you can breathe and feel the pain. It lets you live but doesn’t let the knife out of your body. It’s probably the punishment for going out of the way for doing things for those parts of me which I'm trying to separate from me.
These unanswered questions, question everything that you’ve built within, all that’s healed and all that’s broken.
The worst part is that I can’t pull out the knife, I can't even push away the ones who’re holding it and I sure as hell can't call out for help.
#RANTS